Toaster's Handbook: Jokes, Stories and Quotations

“Nothing so frightens a man as the announcement that he is expected to respond to a toast.” Five hundred pages of jokes, stories and quotations filed A to Z, so the terrified speaker can find one fast.

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Imagination

One day a mother overheard her daughter arguing with a little boy about their respective ages. "I am older than you," he said, "cause my birthday comes first, in May, and your's don't come till September." "Of course your birthday comes first," she sneeringly retorted, "but that is 'cause you came down first. I remember looking at the angels when they were making you."

The mother instantly summoned her daughter. "It's breaking mother's heart to hear you tell such awful stories," she said. "Don't you remember what happened to Ananias and Sapphira?" "Oh, yes, mamma, I know; they were struck dead for lying. I saw them carried into the corner drug store!"

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