Toaster's Handbook: Jokes, Stories and Quotations

“Nothing so frightens a man as the announcement that he is expected to respond to a toast.” Five hundred pages of jokes, stories and quotations filed A to Z, so the terrified speaker can find one fast.

This site is the complete 1914 book Toaster's Handbook: Jokes, Stories, and Quotations, page by page as originally printed — period spelling, remedies and opinions included. About this edition →

The Topics

Sense Of Humor

2 topics

Toasters And Toasts

646 topics

The Handbook

2 topics

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Curious Facts

30 genuinely curious things this book actually says, each linked to its page.

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Highlights

Hunger

A man was telling about an exciting experience in Russia. His sleigh was pursued over the frozen wastes by a pack of at least a…

Memorials

Two negroes were talking about a recent funeral of a member of their race, at which funeral there had been a profusion of floral…

Child Labor

"What's up old man; you look as happy as a lark!" "Happy? Why shouldn't I look happy? No more hard, weary work by yours truly…

Fourth of July

"You are in favor of a safe and sane Fourth of July?" "Yes," replied Mr. Growcher. "We ought to have that kind of a day at least…

Haste

The ferry-dock was crowded with weary home-goers when through the crowd rushed a man-hot, excited, laden to the chin with bundles…

Etiquet

A Boston girl the other day said to a southern friend who was visiting her, as two men rose in a car to give them seats: "Oh, I…

Rights & ReuseThe complete text of Toaster's Handbook: Jokes, Stories, and Quotations (1914) is in the public domain in the United States — like all works published before 1928 — and is free to read, download, quote, teach from, and reuse. This digital edition (its transcription, restored images, and site design) is © 2026 PhotoOpAI, and any editorial commentary we add is clearly marked as ours; the underlying public-domain text carries no such restriction.