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Etiquet

A Boston girl the other day said to a southern friend who was visiting her, as two men rose in a car to give them seats: "Oh, I wish they would not do it." "Why not? I think it is very nice of them," said her friend, settling herself comfortably. "Yes, but one can't thank them, you know, and it is so awkward." "Can't thank them! Why not?" "Why, you would not speak to a strange man, would you?" said the Boston maiden, to the astonishment of her southern friend. A little girl on the train to Pittsburg was chewing gum. Not only that, but she insisted on pulling it out in long strings and letting it fall back into her mouth again. "Mabel!" said her mother in a horrified whisper. "Mabel, don't do that. Chew your gum like a little lady."

LITTLE BROTHER-"What's etiquet?"

LITTLE BIGGER BROTHER- "It's saying 'No, thank you,' when you want to holler 'Gimme!'"-Judge.

A Lady there was of Antigua, Who said to her spouse, "What a pig you are!"

He answered, "My queen, Is it manners you mean, Or do you refer to my figure?" -Gilbert K. Chesterton.

They were at dinner and the dainties were on the table. "Will you take tart or pudding?" asked Papa of Tommy. "Tart," said Tommy promptly.

His father sighed as he recalled the many lessons on manners he had given the boy. "Tart, what?" he queried kindly.

But Tommy's eyes were glued on the pastry. "Tart, what?" asked the father again, sharply this time. "Tart, first," answered Tommy triumphantly.

A twelve-year-old girl from the slums of New York was invited to a garden party given by an aristocratic lady to a group of poor girls.

The little girl, as she drank her tea and ate her cake on a velvet lawn under a white-blooming cherry tree, said to her hostess: "Does your husband drink?" "Why-er-no," was the astonished reply. "How much does he make?" "He doesn't work," said the lady. "He is a capitalist." "You keep out of debt, I hope?" "Of course, child. What on earth” "Your color looks natural-I trust you don't paint." "Why, child," exclaimed the amazed hostess, "what do you mean by such questions? Don't you know they are very impudent?" "Impudent?" said the little girl. "Why, ma'am, Mother told me to be sure and behave like a lady, and when ladies call at our rooms they always ask Mother those questions!" له TOMMY'S AUNT "Won't you have another piece of cake, Tommy?"

TOMMY (on a visit) - "No, I thank you."

TOMMY'S AUNT "You seem to be suffering from loss of appetite."

TOMMY-"That ain't loss of appetite. What I'm sufferin' from is politeness."

They tell the following as a story that the late J. T. Harahan, former president of the Illinois Central Railroad, was fond of telling on himself.

Mr. Harahan was sitting in his office one day, while president of the road, when a burly Irishman entered the office. "Me name's Casey," said he. "Oi want a pass to St. Louis. Oi worruk in th' yar-r-ds." "That is no way to ask for a pass," said Mr. Harahan. "You should introduce yourself politely. Come back in an hour and try it again."

At the end of the hour, back came the Irishman. Doffing his hat, he inquired: "Ar-re yez Mr. Harahan?" "I am." "Me name is Patrick Casey. Oi've been workin' out in th' yar-r-ds." "Glad to know you, Mr. Casey. What can I do for you?" "Yez can all go to hell. Oi've got a job an' a pass on th' Wabash."

There was a young man so benighted, He never knew when he was slighted; He would go to a party, And eat just as hearty, As if he'd been really invited.