Toaster's Handbook: Jokes, Stories and Quotations

“Nothing so frightens a man as the announcement that he is expected to respond to a toast.” Five hundred pages of jokes, stories and quotations filed A to Z, so the terrified speaker can find one fast.

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Roads

A Yankee just returning to the states was dining with an Englishman, and the latter complained of the mud in America. "Yes," said the American, "but its nothing to the mud over here." "Nonsense!" said the Englishman. "Fact," the American replied. "Why, this afternoon I had a remarkable adventure-came near getting into trouble with an old gentleman-all through your confounded mud." "Some of the streets are a little greasy at this season, I admit," said the Englishman. "What was your adventure, though?" "Well," said the American, "as I was walking along I noticed that the mud was very thick, and presently I saw a high hat afloat on a large puddle of very rich ooze. Thinking to do some one a kindness, I gave the hat a poke with my stick, when an old gentleman looked up from beneath, surprised and frowning. 'Hello!' I said. 'You're in pretty deep!' 'Deeper than you think,' he said. I'm on the top of an omnibus!'"

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