Toaster's Handbook: Jokes, Stories and Quotations

“Nothing so frightens a man as the announcement that he is expected to respond to a toast.” Five hundred pages of jokes, stories and quotations filed A to Z, so the terrified speaker can find one fast.

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Burglars

A burglar was one night engaged in the pleasing occupation of stowing a good haul of swag in his bag when he was startled by a touch on the shoulder, and, turning his head, he beheld a venerable, mild-eyed clergyman gazing sadly at him. "Oh, my brother," groaned the reverend gentleman, "wouldst thou rob me? Turn, I beseech thee-turn from thy evil ways. Return those stolen goods and depart in peace, for I am merciful and forgive. Begone!" And the burglar, only too thankful at not being given into custody of the police, obeyed and slunk swiftly off. Then the good old man carefully and quietly packed the swag into another bag and walked softly (so as not to disturb the slumber of the inmates) out of the house and away into the silent night.

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