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Scotch, The

A Scotsman is one who prays on his knees on Sunday and preys on his neighbors on week days.

It being the southerner's turn, he told about a county in Missouri so divided in sentiment that year after year the vote of a single man prohibits the sale of liquor there. "And what," he asked, "do you suppose is the name of the chap who keeps a whole county dry?"

Nobody had an idea. "Mackintosh, as I'm alive!" declared the southerner. Everybody laughed except the Englishman. "Its just like a Scotsman to be so obstinate!" he sniffed, and was much astonished when the rest of the party laughed more than ever. A Scottish minister, taking his walk early in the morning, found one of his parishioners recumbent in a ditch. "Where hae you been the nicht, Andrew?" asked the minister. "Weel, I dinna richtly ken," answered the prostrate one, "whether it was a wedding or a funeral, but whichever it was a most extraordinary success."

See also Thrift. 1