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Guarantees
TRAVELER (on an English train) - "Shall I have time to get a drink?"
GUARD-"Yes, sir."
TRAVELER-"Can you give me a guarantee that the train won't start?"
GUARD-"Yes, I'll take one with you!"
“Nothing so frightens a man as the announcement that he is expected to respond to a toast.” Five hundred pages of jokes, stories and quotations filed A to Z, so the terrified speaker can find one fast.
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TRAVELER (on an English train) - "Shall I have time to get a drink?"
GUARD-"Yes, sir."
TRAVELER-"Can you give me a guarantee that the train won't start?"
GUARD-"Yes, I'll take one with you!"