Toaster's Handbook: Jokes, Stories and Quotations

“Nothing so frightens a man as the announcement that he is expected to respond to a toast.” Five hundred pages of jokes, stories and quotations filed A to Z, so the terrified speaker can find one fast.

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Correct Title

In Deacon's Orders She Cometh Not, She Said Trail of the Serpent Essays of Elia Æsop's Fables Puck of Pook's Hill Dante's Inferno Divine Fire One librarian has the following entries in a card catalog: Lead Poisoning Do, Kindly Light.

A distinguished librarian is a good follower of Chesterton. He says: "To my way of thinking, a great librarian must have a clear head, a strong hand and, above all, a great heart. Such shall be greatest among librarians; and when I look into the future, I am inclined to think that most of the men who will achieve this greatness will be women."

Many catalogers append notes to the main entries of their catalogs. Here are two:

An Ideal Husband:

Essentially a work of fiction, and presumably written by a woman (unmarried).

Aspects of Home Rule:

Political, not domestic.

In a branch library a reader asked for The Girl He Married (by James Grant). This happened to be out, and the assistant was requested to select a similar book. Presumably he was a benedict, for he returned triumphantly with His Better Half (by George Griffith). "Have you A Joy Forever?" inquired a lady borrower. "No," replied the assistant librarian after referring to the stock. "Dear me, how tiresome," said the lady; "have you Praed?" "Yes, madam, but it isn't any good," was the prompt reply.

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