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Military Conundrums

While watching the burning of a big hotel what three authors woull you feel inclined to mention? Ans. -Dickens-Howitt-Burns. Which of the four seasons is the most literary? Ans. -Autumn, for then the leaves are turned, and they are red, (read.) Why are writers apt to have the blues? Ans. -Because they are so pensive.

What American poet may be considered equal to three-fiths of the poets, ancient and modern, Ans.-Poe.

When are soldiers best able to draw blisters? Ans. When they are mustered in the service.

When are they good fishermen? Ans. When they have bay o' nets. Why are their guns always safe? Ans. -Because every one of them have a lock.

What is the best form for a soldier? Ans. -Uniform.

What is his best uniform? Ans. -Right dress.

When is he a wagon maker? Ans. When he makes a wheel. When is he like an old Toper? Ans-When he re-treats. When is he like a king? Ans. -When he appears with his pomp-on. When is he like a watch? Ans. When he is on guard.

When is he like a Washington landlord? Ans. - When he makes a heavy charge.

Where does the responsibility rest when a rifle explodes? Ans. The fault may be in the breech though it is charged to the muzzle. When is a soldier charitable? Ans. -When he presents arms. When is he like a horse? Ans. - When he draws a load. When is he like a vehicle? Ans. -When he makes a cart-ridge on the road.

What is one of the rules of war? Ans. -That it is death to stop a cannon ball. Why do American soldiers never run away? Ans. -Because they belong to the standing army.

Why are soldiers usually in good company? Ans. They are generally associated with big guns.

How does a soldier know when it is time to fight? Ans. -When he sees a battle-me(a)nt.

What do the bravest soldiers fear? Ans. -A backward movement to the point of attack.

Why is a defeated army like wool? Ans. -Because it is worsted. Why are cowardly soldiers like tallow candles? Ans. -Because when exposed to the fire they run.

When is a plant like a soldier? Ans. When it begins to shoot. Why are authors who treat of physiognomy like soldiers? Ans. - Because they write about face.

Why are the makers of the Armstrong guns the greatest thieves in Her Majesty's service? Ans. - Because they rifle all the guns, forge the materials, and steel all the gun breeches.

What key in music would make a good officer? Ans. -A sharp major. Why is fashion like a blank cartridge? Ans. -Because it's all powder and puff.

Why are tired dogs like military boys in their uniform? Ans. -Because their pants are all alike.

When may an army be said to be totally destroyed? Ans. When its soldiers are all in quarters.

What is the difference between a sailor and a soldier? Ans. - One tars his ropes, the other pitches his tent.

What games are most played by soldiers? Ans.-Hazard and Picket. Why is a newspaper like an army ! Ans.-Because it has leaders columns and reviews, Why is a vine like a soldier? Ans. -Because it is listed, trained, has tendrils and then shoots.

What is the difference between a potato and a soldier? Ans.-Oneshoots from the eye, the other from the shoulder.

When is a soldier like a cannon ball? Ans. When he looks round, of course.

When a ball leaves the mouth of a cannon to salute the setting sun, what does the air do? Ans. - Whistles "After the Ball." What is the difference between a soldier and a fisherman? Ans. -One bayonets-the other nets a bay.