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General Conundrums
The conundrum is one of the most favored forms of amusement for the social circle; the answer to this style of riddle generally contains a pun, and the merriment occasioned can be better imagined than described. What is that every one thinks of in telling a riddle, and every one thinks of on hearing it? Ans. -The answer.
Why is a shoe-black like an editor? Ans. -Because he polishes the understanding of his patrons.
How can a man make mis money go a long way? Ans. -By contributing to foreign missions.
During the month of heavy showers, how has the umbrella been persistently bluffing the game? Ans. -It has been "put up or shut up" with it all the while.
Why is a young man visiting his sweetheart like the growth of a successful newspaper? Ans. -His visits commenced on a weekly, grew to be tri-weekly, and then become daily, with a Sunday supplement. What did Job's wardrobe consist of? Ans. -Three wretched comforters. How does the postage-stamp have the advantage of the small boy? Ans. It can never be licked but once.
Who handles more letters in a day than one of Uncle Sam's postemployees? Ans. -A typesetter. Which do you consider the greatest miracle mentioned in the Bible? Ans. Where a mustard seed sprung up and waxed a great tree. What is the difference between a coat and a coat of paint? Ans.-A coat of paint has no buttons on it.
When is a cigar like dried beef? Ans. When it is smoked. Which are the two smallest things mentioned in the Bible? Ans. -The widow's mite, and the wicked flee.
In the year 1894. If all the Presidents of the United States were to stand in a row, how far would they reach? Ans. -From Washington to Cleveland.
When the new Postmaster-General takes possession of his office,-how many stamps will be given at the post-office for a cent and a quarter? Ans.-A cent and a quarter is twenty-six cents, therefore you would have thirteen two-cent stamps.
Who first introduced salt meat into the navy? Ans. -Noah, when he took Ham into the ark.
What evidence have we that Adam used sugar? Ans. -Because he raised Cain.
What is there remarkable about a yard-stick? Ans. -Though it has no head or tail, it has a foot at each end and one in the middle. What is the difference between truth and eggs? Ans. -Truth crushed to the earth will rise again, eggs won't.
What is financial circles? Ans. - Silver dollars.
Why does the air seem fresher in winter than it does in summer? Ans.- Because it's kept on ice most of the time.
Why are fish well educated? Ans. They have a taste for going in schools.
Why does a pig eat? Ans. -To make a hog of himself.
Why is a cyclone like a waiter? Ans. -It carries everything before it. What is the difference between the Prince of Wales and a bombshell? Ans.-One is heir to the throne, and the other is thrown to the air. Why is the North Pole like an illicit whisky manufactory? Ans. It is a secret still.
What is it used at luncheons that the government accumulates in the treasury? Ans. -Bouillon.
Why is the letter S like thunder? Ans. -It makes our cream sour cream. Why is a door in the potential mood? Ans. - It's would (wood) or should be.
Why is a tin can tied to a dog's tail like death? Ans. -Because it's bound to a cur, (occur).
What makes the waves so wild? Ans. It is having the wind blow them up.
Why are records brittle things? Ans. -Because they cannot be lowered without breaking.
What was the name of the dog mentioned in the Bible? Ans. -Moreover, Luke XXI., 21. Moreover, the dog, came and licked his sores. Why is the emblem of the United States more enduring than that of France, England, Ireland, or Scotland? Ans.- The Lily may fade and its leaves decay, The Rose from its stem may sever.
The Shamrock and Thistle may pass away, But the Stars will shine forever.
Why is it dangerous to keep a clock at the head of a pair of stairs? Ans.-Because it sometimes runs down.
Why should architects make good actors? Ans. -Because they are fine at drawing houses.
In what respect is matrimony a game of cards? Ans. -Why, a woman has a heart, a man takes it with a diamond, and after that her hand is his. Why are hogs like trees? Ans. -Because they root for a living. Why is a villain exposed like a tallow candle? Ans. -Because his wicked works are brought to light.
Why is a plumber like a pelican? Ans.-On account of the size of his bill.
Why are fixed stars like wicked old men? Ans.-Because they sin till late (scintillate).
What word of six letters contains six words besides itself, without transposing a letter? Ans.-Herein-he, her, here, ere, rein, in. When may a man be said to belong to the vegetable kingdom? Ans. - When long experience has made him sage.
Why was the first day of Adam's life the longest? Ans. -Because he had no Eve.
Why is the coat worn by a weather-beaten tramp like "insomnia?" Ans.-Because it hasn't had a nap in ten years.
What sort of a face does an auctioneer like best? Ans. -One that is forbidding. What is the name of the plant most fatal to mice? Ans.-Cat-nip. Why is a rope-walker's pole like the integrity of Turkey? Ans. -Because the former is the balance of his rope, and the latter is the balance of your rope (Europe).
When is a fruit stalk like a good swimmer? Ans. When it stems the currant. looke Why does B stand before C? Ans. -Because a man must B before he can C.
What sort of smile does the victor wear? Ans. -A winning smile. Why is an aristocratic seminary for young ladies like a flower garden? Ans.-Because it is a place of haughty culture (horticulture). Why is the letter S like a pert repartee? Ans.-Because it begins and ends in sauciness.
Why is a balloonist greatly to be envied? Ans. -Because he rises rapidly in the world and has excellent prospects. When is a house like a bird? Ans. When it has wings. What happened to the son of William Tell when using his bow? Ans.- He had an 'arrow (narrow) escape.
How can hunters find their game in the woods? Ans. -By listening to the bark of the trees.
How many persons can a deaf and dumb man tickle? Ans.-He can ges-tickle-eight (gesticulate).
What subject can be made light of? Ans.-Gas.
How can you make an army fly? Ans. -Break its wings. In organizing a military company, what is the first thing to do? Ans.- "Order arms."
How can one get along in the world? Ans.-Walk.
Why is a real estate man not a man of words? Ans. -Because he is a man of deeds.
Why is a man thinking of his mother's slippers, when he handles the lines behind a fine, well-matched pair of horses? Ans. -Because they are such a spanking pair.
Why is too much champagne and whisky like the flowers that bloom in the Spring? Ans. -Because they make the nose-gay (nosegay). When is a piece of wood like a queen? Ans. When it is made into a ruler.
What snuff-taker is that whose box gets fuller the more pinches he takes? Ans. -The candle-snuffer.
When is a river like a young lady's letter? Ans. When it is crossed. I owe my birth to a German, and I am now one of the greatest powers in the world, still I am content to be useful in the house. Sailors used to detest me, but at present I believe they value me as much as landsmen do. Ans. The press.
I partake alike in your joy, your sorrow, and your home would not be home without me. Ans. -Letter O.
Pray find a word, if you are able, that will produce a chair and table? Ans.-Char-i-table (chair, table).
A crown which was the pride of Ancient Rome, whichever way it is read, it is the same. Ans. -Civic.
When may a man's pocket be empty and yet have something in it? Ans. When it has a hole in it.
Which is the merriest sauce? Ans. -Caper sauce.
Which is the easier profession, a doctor's or a clergyman's? Ans.-A clergyman; he preaches, the doctor practices.
What word of four syllables represents Sin riding on a little animal? Ans. Sin-on-a-mouse (synonymous).
When does a cook break the game law? Ans. -When she poaches eggs. What precious stone is like the entrance to a garden? Ans.-A-gate. What is the last blow a defeated ship gives in battle? Ans.-Striking its own flag.
Why is the Bank of England like a thrush? Ans.-Because it often changes its notes.
Why is an Englishman eating breakfast like a ghost up a tree? Ans.- Because he's a goblin' up the 'ash (hash).
Why is a hen far more liberal minded than the sun? Ans. -The sun never sets except in the West, but a hen will set anywhere. Why is the leading horse in a wagon-team like the acceptor of a bill? Ans.-Because he's the end horse sir (endorser).
What way of showing wrath has the tea-kettle? Ans.-It sings sweetest when it is hottest. Why is a Zulu belle like a prophet of old? Ans. She has not much on'er in her own country What is the most powerful monarch? Ans.-Principle.
Why is high tariff like a pair of overalls? Ans. -Because it protects the laboring man.
How did the sandwiches (sand which is) on the Desert get there? Ans. -Noah brought Ham, and his decendants bread and mustard (bred and mustered).
What is more wonderful than a horse that can count? Ans. -A spelling bee. How many peas are there in a pint ? Ans.-One P.
Why is a star like an old barn? Ans. -Because r-a-t-s are found in both. How many apples did Adam and Eve eat? Ans. -Eve 8-1 Adam 8-1-2, -total 893. Another solution, Eve 8-1-4 Adam, Adam 8-1-2-4 Eve, total, 8,938. Still another: If Eve 8-1-4 Adam, Adam 8-1-2-4-2 keep Eve company, total, 82,056. When Homer called the sea "barren," why did it illustrate the age in which he lived? Ans. -Because it was before Cecrops (sea crops). Why is a man just put in prison like a boat full of water? Ans.- Because he requires bailing out.
If a well-known animal you behead, Another one you will have instead. Ans.-Fox (f-ox).
Why is a mirror like a very ungrateful friend? Ans. -Because, although you may load his back with silver he will reflect on you. Why is the figure 9 like a peacock? Ans.-Because it is nothing (0) without a tail.
Use me well and I'm everybody; scratch my back and I'm nobody. Ans. A looking glass.
What is the difference between a clock and a bankrupt? Ans.-One goes right on when you wind it up, the other does not go on after it is wound up.
Why is a threadbare garment like a man who was up late at the ball? Ans.-Because both look worn out when they lose their nap. Why may we suppose that a tiger is not without affection? Ans.- Because he is very much attached to his pa (paw) and ma (maw). With what do the mermaids tie up their hair? Ans. With a marine band. .
Why does a bay horse never pay toll? Ans. -Because his master pays it for him.
Why is the woodman's ax an inconsistent weapon? Ans.-Because, first it cuts a tree down and then cuts it up.
Who are the fare sex? Ans. -Street-car conductors.
What is the highest form of organic life? Ans. -The man in the moon. What bat flies without wings? Ans. -A brickbat.
Why should colts avoid exposure? Ans. -Because they might take cold and become a little horse (hoarse).
Why is a tramp like white flannel? Ans. -Because he shrinks from washing.
What is there remarkable about a bee? Ans. -Why, ordinarily it has but little to say, yet generally carries its point.
Why should there be a marine law against whispering? Ans.-Because it is privateering (private hearing) and consequently illegal. What should a baker of bread be? Ans.-He kneads (needs) to be well bread (bred).
Why was Samson the greatest dramatic actor that ever lived ? Ans.- Because no man ever brought down the houses as he did. How many days are there in a year? Ans. -"325," because the other 40 are Lent.
What are the "Lays of Spring?" Ans. -Fresh eggs.
What did the managing editor say when the horticultural editor said he had cultivated hot-house lilac bushes that attained a height of over fifty feet? Ans. -I wish I could lilac (lie like) that. What is it that is queer about flowers? Ans. -They shoot before they have pistils.
How many insects does it take to make a landlord? Ans.-Ten-ants (tenants).
When is a skein of thread like the root of an oak? Ans. - When it is full of knots.
Why is a college student like a thermometer? Ans. -Because he is graduated and marked by degrees. What is that which always goes with its head downwards? Ans.-A nail in your shoe.
Which would the farmer rather see, his farm covered with snow or with mortgages? Ans. - With snow, for there is more moisture to the former, though more due (dew) on the latter.
What city is drawn more frequently than any other? Ans.-Cork. Why is blackberry jam like counterfeit money? Ans. -Because it is not current (currant).
When was beef-tea first introduced into England? Ans. When Henry VIII. dissolved the Pope's bull.
What is the difference between a sentence and a cat? Ans. -One has its pause at the end of its clause, and the other its claws at the end of its paws. What four letters of the alphabet would frighten a thief? Ans.-OICU. (oh! I see you).
When is a boat like a heap of snow? Ans. -When it is adrift. Two letters often tempt mankind, And those who yield will surely find Two others ready to enforce The punishment that comes of course?
Ans.-XS and DK (excess and decay).
What bird is low spirited? Ans. -The blue bird.
What bird is rude? Ans. -The mocking bird.
What birds move in the highest circles? Ans. -Eagles. Why is copper the most harmless of metals? Ans. -Because it is always in-a-cent (innocent).
Why are seeds like gate posts? Ans. -Because they prop-a-gate. What is the difference between a horse that is entered for a race and withdrawn, and one that starts in a race and is beaten ? Ans.-One fails to start, and the other starts to fail.
What is the greatest affliction that can befall a fish? Ans. Why, it is to be taken insane (in seine).
What river is the coldest ? Ans. -The Isis (ice is). How does a boy look if you hurt him? Ans. -It makes him yell "Oh!" (yellow).
Why should a poor salesman be put in the hands of a potter? Ans.- Because he is very poor clay and should be fired.
Who are the two kings that reign in America? Ans.-Smo-king and soa-king.
Is there any bird that can sing the "Lays of Ancient Rome?" Ans.- Yes, they are Macaw-lays (macaulays).
When is a tourist in Ireland like a donkey? Ans. When he is going to Bray.
Why are greenbacks like the Jews? Ans. -Because they are the issue of Abraham.