Home › Contents › Edward Oxenford

Edward Oxenford

C A Sociable.

HEY carried pie to the parson's house, And scattered the floor with crumbs, And marked the leaves of his choicest books With the prints of their greasy thumbs.

They piled his dishes high and thick With a lot of unhealthy cake, While they gobbled the buttered toast and rolls Which the parson's wife did make.

They hung round Clytie's classic neck Their apple-parings for sport, And every one laughed when a clumsy lout Spilled his tea on the piano-forte.

A Next day the parson went down on his knees, With his wife - but not to pray; O no; 'twas to scrape the grease and dirt From the carpet and stairs away.

Buying Gape-Seed.

YANKEE, walking the streets of London, looked through a window upon a group of men writing very rapidly; and one of them said to him in an insulting manner, "Do you wish to buy some gape-seed?" Passing on a short distance the Yankee met a man, and asked him what the business of those men was in the office he had just passed. He was told that they wrote letters dictated by others, and transcribed all sorts of documents; in short, they were writers. The Yankee returned to the office, and inquired if one of the men would write a letter for him, and was answered in the affirmative. He asked the price, and was told one dollar. After considerable talk, the bargain was made; one of the conditions of which was that the scribe should write just what the Yankee told him to, or he should receive no pay.

The scribe told the Yankee he was ready to begin; and the latter said- " Dear marm and then asked, Have you got that deown?" "Yes," was the reply, "go on." "I went to ride t'other day: have you got that deown?" "Yes; go on, go on." "And I harnessed up the old mare into the wagon : have you got that deown?" "Yes, yes, long ago; go on." "Why, how fast you write! And I got into the wagon, and sat deown, and drew up the reins, and took the whip in my right hand : have you got that deown?" "Yes, long ago; go on." "Dear me, how fast you write ! I never saw your equal. And I said to the old mare, 'Go 'long,' and